So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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