i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
