So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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