You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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