i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
