I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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