Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
