I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
