If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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