hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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