remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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