Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
