I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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