I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
