My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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