Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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