In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
