i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
