After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
