You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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