he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
