If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
