get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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