Banned from zoo.
Again?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
