Can Purell be used as lube?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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