i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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