Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
