Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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