If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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