More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
