I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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