a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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