i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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