drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
