WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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