is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
