I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
