that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
