Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
