Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
