you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
