I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
