Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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