I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
