It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
