wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
