Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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