he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
