In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
