so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
