literally had 100 drinks last night.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
