It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
