she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
