I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Quick, to the slutcave!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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